hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize