me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
