I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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