I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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