im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
