My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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