I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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