My balls are so social today.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
