the condom got lost in my hair
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
