i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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