Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
