dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
