I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
