I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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