spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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