Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
