Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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