i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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