i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize