I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
