I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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