I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
