Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
