I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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