Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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