i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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