Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
