it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
