I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
