Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Never joke about your clitoris.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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