ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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