Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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