No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
