No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize