I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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