in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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