ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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