Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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