i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My dick has a subreddit
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize