I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
