We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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