Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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