Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
