When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
