You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
