You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
