you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize