If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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