Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
