he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
