Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
