Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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