So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
