Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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