Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
