I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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