Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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