I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
