We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
