My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I currently don't understand fingers.
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