Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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