Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
