I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize