Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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