do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize