ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
