How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
