Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
