Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
