i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
