I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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