saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
