i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're like the curious george of whores
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
