You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
