yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
