When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
