Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
