am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
