i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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