I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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