Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
