I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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