Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
