im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
