Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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