The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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