3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
