So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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