You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are all done wearing pants today
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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