so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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