I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
