So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
