I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
