# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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