just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
