the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
