I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
