Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
