sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
