He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
