Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
