do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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