I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
