i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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