Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize