I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
