Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
