I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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