please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize