dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
