The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
