I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
