we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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