you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
