Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize