Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
