Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
