Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
