I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
